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Looking out, looking in

On the last day of the year, with a blank screen in front of you, it's not as easy as you may think to focus on what the year just past has meant to you. Today, I will buy a newspaper and read about the year. And, no doubt, there will be endless 2014 retrospectives on TV. Perhaps you and I will feel some pressure (probably self-imposed in the main) to consider what our achievements have been for the year and to begin contemplating what we might do differently next year.

We know it's important to keep on glancing in the rear view mirror while driving forward to ensure that there is nothing about to overtake us unexpectedly and become a hazard.

I don't think I can ever remember a year where so seemingly little of note happened to me, and so little is properly formed in my head about what shape my life will take next year. Of course I could blame it on a number of things - the parlous state of the world ... retirement ... a major move to a new home ... living in a new and relatively unfamiliar location etc.

One of the joys of slowing down and spending time just contemplating is that you make a space for acceptance. Last night, for the first time since moving away from the city, I sat on our deck in the twilight looking at "our" palm tree in silhouette and the distant hills etched against a pale gold band with a deepening cloudless blue sky above and said to Richard "I would be happy to sit here forever". Perfection - that quiet moment when, fed, loved and thankful for what you have, you can simply sit and be. What a gift!

So many people have all sorts of advice about what you should "do" when you retire. Your life will fall apart if you don't do something meaningful, if you don't exercise regularly, eat more healthily, if you don't continue with work - paid or voluntary. Your brain will atrophy if you don't ... etc etc etc.

If I were still seeking for something at this point in my life, I guess I might go off on a spiritual retreat in Tibet or sail to the Antarctic or climb mountains or take a challenging board position. The trouble is I am not. I feel content and I am enjoying the time I spend (and having the time to spend) in contemplation of things.

This year, our Christmas letters and catch-ups with friends have been peppered more than previously with stories of major heart problems, serious cancer recurrences, life-threatening events, some swift and final, and even death.

If you look at models of change that are applied in workplaces today, every stage is an "action" stage in the never-ending spiral. Apparently the workplace is, by definition, a mouse wheel. How sad and no wonder people feel unendingly stressed and burn out. Unfortunately, "termination" is the name give to the last stage in the cycle in many of these models. I wonder if this is a subtle ploy to remind workers and prepare them for the fact that change initiatives in workplaces today often really do end in termination - not only of the old behaviour, but also of the people involved.

My model for perfect change includes a dedicated period of just "being" - for seriously reflecting on what's gone before, what's happening around you and what might be needed in future, for stillness and focus on our world and its wonders. A time of acceptance before we move on. No one of us knows how much longer we have (that's very true in business too).

I want to understand the meaning of my life before it's snuffed out not when it's too late.  Perhaps I will look back on 2014 and say my greatest achievement has been coming to a state of acceptance.

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